The as-if way of life versus the as-is way of life

confusions between servant, master, and self

Abstract

Issues of idealization, envy, the death instinct, and pathological projective identification cycles can intersect to produce a constant and desperate search for total knowledge and perfect love followed by constant disappointment and rejection. Case material follows one patient who was intent on becoming the ideal beacon for the object, providing the perfect match for the object’s desires, only to empty himself out so profoundly as to feel hollow except for the winds of contempt and loneliness that remained. To accept the self as-is and gamble on the depressive position mixture of love, hate, and knowledge that can mean loss and difference is too unbearable for some patients and results in their reliance on an as-if personality defense in which the object is seduced with falsehoods and control. A manic search fo rimmediate love and proof of one’s uniqueness is the vicious side effect. Unlike the classic definition of the as-if character who tries to keep everything quite stagnant, this variety of internal conflict involves a manic striving to prevent an ever looming collapse, rejection, and loss. Psychoanalytic treatment is shown to offer relief and transformation, regardless of frequency, as long as a consistent goal of analytic contact and transference interpretation is maintained.